The one thing about parents is that its not something they teach you when you were a kid, they often teach you things even when you are an adult, maybe not so much as telling you things, but through their actions. One such incident happened with me some time back with my mother.
Very rarely in my adult life has it happened that my parents have not approved a decision of mine, but some years back I took a decision which my mother felt was a very tough road I chose for myself. She was of the opinion, that being so arduous, it was best avoided as being a concerned mother she did not want me to adopt a life which was hard. Of course in my home, we always voice opinions but not necessarily impose ourselves on someone. However in this case her opinion was so strong that it was quite a surprise. Anyway I still decided to adopt the path I took, as I felt that was the right thing to do. But I did not try and change her mind, as I felt she was right in her views as a concerned parent.
Life carried on, and we both avoided discussing this topic knowing how strongly we both felt about it. As predicted the journey I took was tough, but never did I tell anything to anyone. But over a period of time, I suddenly found her warming upto my decision and opening upto it. There was no reason which had prompted that, as the road I was trudging on was still quite the difficult one. So seeing this change I spoke to a very close friend of mine, who was the only one privy to the difficulties I faced in the path I took, and ma’s reservations. He was also very close to my mom, and so I asked him one day as to why ma suddenly changed her stance and was he an influencing factor. He said he had no role to play, but he would definitely speak to ma and try and gauge why she changed her stance.
After speaking to my mom, my friend came and told me what ma said and this is what she told him. “I know the path my daughter has chosen is tough. I know she will never complain, and I feel its a wrong choice cause its a path which would have a lot of tough obstacles on the way. But I also know, that that is what she wants and what will make her happy, and she will not change her mind cause its against her principles. The least I can do for her as her mother is support her, and try and make the journey a little less difficult. When she comes home, I don’t want her to think she has another battle to fight, in trying to convince her mother. If I am proven right, and my fears of the path being unbearable is true, its going to be the cost of my daughter’s happiness and I would rather I be proven wrong. That’s why I thought let me support her and pray she is right. And if God-forbid she is wrong, at least she won’t have a mother who will tell her ‘I told you so’ but would rather be with her and say its ok, we can surpass this. I want her to know that I am there, even if she is wrong not to judge her but to support her”.
Since I have moved to Bangalore, I have seen parents of my friends for whom their ego surpasses all barriers. They would force their decisions on their kids in the name of ego, past sacrifices done for their kids, how they know best or even society. And if by some miracle the kid, still manages to take a decision against his /her parents, and god forbid he/she fails, the instant reaction of parents is “I told you so” not once realising that their victory was at the cost of the kid’s happiness. That day I realised how lucky I was to have my parents, for whom my happiness was much more important than them coming right
That day I again realised how lucky I am to have my parents. They are not God but they are just what God meant them to be – Parents
My earlier posts on Parenting http://worldasisee.wordpress.com/2011/02/11/parenting-3/
Priya another lovely post…enjoyed reading it. My parents are like that too, they’ll stand by me through thick and thin, and support me through all my ups and downs. We’re fortunate!!
Swati you bet we are…after coming to Bangalore, some of my friends have started appreciating our parents so much. Its horrendous hearing some horror stories of parents here
Nice one. Reminded me of Rishi Kapoor from Patiala House, which I saw today. đ
Ya was actually reading the review when I thought of this incident and thought let me post
Dear Priya:
Every episode you narrate of your parents sound quite pragmatic and wise. I just wish that parents were more understanding and practical. Many a times, love for their children prompt them to take extreme steps as not allowing them to pursue their dreams. Well, I just hope.
Joy always,
Susan
Susan trust me hearing some of the parent stories here in Bangalore, makes me and my friends appreciate our parents so much. Some of us are real lucky to have parents like this.
Really enjoyed this post I lost my mom when she was in her early 40s and I think of her everyday.
Thank You for this chance to think of her today.
Jim/
jpweddingphotograpy.blogspot.com
Jim I am so sorry for your loss. May her soul rest in peace.
I lost my dad too and understand the pain
Thank you for sharing this with us…Its like you are talking about my life…we are fortunate enough to have such parents.
Alpana I know. Some of my friends feel so lucky to have parents who are our friends too
I can relate to your story. I also feel lucky to have supportive parents who don’t make me feel like I have another battle to fight at home.
And you’re spot on too. Parents are not God, but they actually mold our concept of God from childhood.
AJ what’s most important is they do not tell us they are God or we owe them things. They let us be.
What a wonderful dedication to your Mom. It’s so true, as life takes us further into our adulthood, our parents stop telling us but keep teaching us. In many, many ways. I think that also your proud stance on this matter really helped your Mom to understand how important it all was for you. Wonderful piece, thank you for sharing it with us!
Thanks Nina. I realise nowadays the importance of having parents who don’t hover over your life at every stage. I am really lucky that both my parents have always let me be.
Very cool indeed – You are so damn fortunate to get the guidance of parents like yours – I myself have extremely practical and friendly parents who I love to bits. Hence I know exactly where your confidence comes from : )
Ya Kriti we are lucky – very very lucky. I have seen the pain some people go through cause their parents refuse to let them be….
I aspire to be like your mother đ Ever since i became a parent I have told myself that I will let my daughter make her own decisions (right now they are limited to being more naughty or less naughty!).
You will be a great mom. I will make a posting soon as to how as a kid I was allowed to make my own decisions, of course in a very different way