I am sad – Yes. I have deep hidden emotions, scars, – which I hide with my smile. My smile carries a deep pain ,which I hide with my laughter. My eyes don’t sparkle cause they happy, but apparently cause they hiding the tears.
Now before you get carried away, please stop. These are not my words. That is what someone announced to me last evening. And as you must have guessed by now, as always it was a man (Wonder why I keep meeting such men?). So let’s rewind, shall we to what happened?
So I meet this man online through a debate. He seemed quite nice at that moment. Anyway as my luck would have it, few days after talking (exactly 3 days), he decided to tell me that he could see the pain in my eyes. So here is how the conversation went (am trying to write it verbatim) :
He : Hi, how are you?
Me : Fine, thank you, you?
He : Good. I was going through your pictures. You are pretty
Me : Thank you (added a big grin. Now no matter how shallow it is, I love it when people compliment my looks)
He : But I could see your sadness in it
Me : Ha? Sadness? Where? Why? How?
He : Yes.Though you smile a lot, I could feel that you hiding tears behind your smile.
Me : I was? But am not sad. Am quite happy. I am not “born happy“. Am as what one could called “Learnt happy“. In other words I learnt to be happy. So chill !! you got it wrong.
He : No I do not think so (mind it, he just knows me for 2 days or half hour to be exact as we chatted for 15 minutes on 2 days). Tell me what are you hiding?
Me : (Honestly, was hiding my urge to kick you where your mother never kissed. (Read : Bum), but I lied). Nothing. Unless you think that George Clooney dating another girl is making me sad. In which case, yes I am hiding (sic)
He : Do not lie. I read your blog too. I know you are using humour to block off your pain.Do not hide from me. I am there for you. You can share your pain with me.
Me : Ok. Since you insisted, I am telling you. I met this man a few days back. He is right now bugging me a lot. I hardly know him, but he claims to know me more than myself. He wants me to manufacture pain, just so he can wipe my tears. Currently am very sad, cause technology has not evolved so much that I can wring his neck, through my laptop 😀
He : (Took a few minutes to understand, I guess cause he responded after a good 7 minutes gap) Hey I was just trying to help. Stop being rude. You know you are not exactly as great as you think yourself to be ^&@#$%
Me : You want to help? Why not wring your own neck? I swear it will make me happy 🙂
Am not sure what happened post this, cause he went offline and since then he blocked me (I know I should have blocked him before he did, but then my motor actions have always been slow).
But since he is gone, I have a happy smile on my face, maybe cause am imagining, he has done something to make me happy – You know wrung his own neck?
So finally, I have found my happiness. On that note, time you go find yours. You have one life to live, no use being sad. Shit will happen. What you do with the shit is upto you 🙂