Dear MPs & MLAs of India,
Firstly let me tell you how much I admire you & want to be like you. I mean who would not. Imagine you get paid for not working day after day, years after years & people actually support you for doing that. This is like my dream come true work life & I love that you guys are showing me the way, as to how to do it well. So am writing this letter as a mark of admiration for each of you. Please be kind enough to allow me to gush a little bit longer.
Firstly can you guys advise me as to how to make corporate life like this. See all am saying is I will not work for 5 years & disrupt office if my company asks me to work, & they cannot sack me for minimum 5 years, nor deny me my salary. That’s how you guys work, right? I hope I got the arrangement correct. Just how do you think, I can push this through? Something tells me my bosses not as gullible as Indian citizens, so might need some extra work. Please can you help me with the tricks of the trade, so I can get it going?
The other thing I just love about you guys is the way none of you let ambition get the better of you. Look at my colleagues. Always striving to do better in the company, forcing me to work harder. It’s like they always want to prove to people how great they are. None of you do that. It’s like I won’t work & I won’t let you work either. Company can go to dogs & in your case the country. Ambition has been considered a vice by many, and am glad none of you have adopted this horrible a vice. May you always have the strength to say no to such vices.
Oh and did I say how I love your appraisal policy? Self appraisal with no link to performance and no boss to say no. Now isn’t that what should be the rule in every company. It’s my choice to increase my salary to whatever amount I want & that’s it. (currently I want to increase mine to a 1 crore a month & I am trying to push this method to get it through. Please bless me, so I can)
BTW did I mention that the thing I admire most about you guys is your camaraderie. I have seen you guys accuse each other of the worst of crimes & threaten to take each other to prison for it, but when push comes to shove, you have stood behind each other, & not done it. That is what I love. Look at my colleagues. Am sure if I do something evil, they will not hesitate to put me under the guillotine. Evil colleagues I say. Am so glad none of you like this. God bless this friendship always & may it never be tarnished by things like “ethics” & “morality”.
Oh before I go, one last thing. I hate the chairs in my office & want those big ones. My HR not buying it & I think the best way is to hurl them & smash them just like you guys do in parliament, so they are forced to buy. I tried it once but damn thing was so heavy that I hurt my back. Can you guys do this a few more times, so I can watch & learn how you do it? My sincerest thanks in advance for this help. I am hoping post that I buy those thrones. I always felt I was a queen & those thrones would be awesome to have at work, what say?
Thank you so much once again for letting me send this admiration letter. Do keep up the good work. You guys are my last hope in this horrible world. Do not let ever the evil practice of “doing the right thing” ever change you. God bless you all.
A gushing citizen