Am I modern?

Yesterday I had a very weird experience – There is this person who sent me a friend request on facebook. Now generally I avoid adding people I dont know unless there is a common link. Now this gentleman had a common link and I felt why not. Of course half hour later i regretted my decision when I realised he did not know the boundaries of an online acquaintaince and deleted and blocked him off (but then thats another story), but there was a comment he made, which got me thinking. After a couple of minutes of converstation he asked me do I go to a disco. My answer was yes of course and he replied – “Strange cause from the clothes you wear in your pictures one cannot make out you are so modern”. I replied that I wasnt aware that discos had an uniform, but it got me wondering,  what makes someone modern?

I don’t smoke as I believe its bad for health- so does that mean I am not modern? I rarely drink and there is no reason for it except its my choice – So am I conservative? When I wear a sari or any indian dress does that make me regressive? Or when am out in a disco wearing a short skirt dancing with my friends – Is that the only time I am modern? I wonder. So to be modern, irresepective of my figure I need to flaunt what i have and don’t have or else I am “not in”. One of my favourite relations in the world always used to introduce me to his friends saying oh she is very dated – why cause I dont drink and smoke? Even then I wondered had I smoked would I have been more today? (Please note this comment was made more in jest as my relative is very modern)

I always believed I was modern. Cause being modern for me is in the head. Like my good friend Prashant Khurana says being sexy is in your brain and not in your body, for me same went for being modern. I am modern cause I dont believe that rules are different for me and different for others. When I lost my dad 10 years ago I did my best to try and get Ma married off again cause I felt she was too young to be alone. When I failed to convince her, I was the one who got her out to have a life of her own. I was the one who got her inducted in my friend circle so she could be friends with my group as well. I am modern cause I treat my mother like a woman and not the way many of my friends / relatives/ acquaintances treat their mothers. Moms for them are meant to be at home a la nirupa roy. I am modern cause for me she is a human being and I treat her that way.

I am today’s woman cause I get bugged when someone tells me I am so great in looking after my mom after my dad, something traditionally a son is expected to do. I am modern cause I dont think its great. If I can ask for equality I shouldn’t expect people to praise me for something I am supposed to do.

 I am modern cause I am liberal. I don’t believe my truth is the only truth in the world. I believe another viewpoint can exist, of course disagreeing with them is my prerogative. I dont believe cause I am straight I cannot have gay friends. I am so proud of each and every of my gay friend and am proud to tell people yes they are gay and they are my friends and I love them for who they are. (please if i hurt any friend am sorry but I have had such shocking expressions from some people who heard I have friends who are gay that I had to say it here). And I am modern enough to say that I can accept anyone as gay (except the man I marry and that’s for obvious reasons). If tomorrow I have kids and they are gay, so be it. I will openly accept it. I am modern cause i preach and practice that I treat every human as equals – i dont care what colour, caste, gender, sexual preference, religious order they follow (when i say equal i mean equal to your capability 🙂

I am modern cause I know that clothes doesn’t make a person but the person makes the clothes. I am modern cause I am equally comfortable in a sari as I am in modern clothes. I am modern cause I choose what I wear according to the occassion and do not depend on what the world wants me to wear.

I am today’s woman cause I don’t need to smoke and kill my body to show how smart I am. I am today’s woman cause I don’t need to get drunk to prove I am “in”. I am today’s woman cause I don’t get up and say treat me special cause I am a girl. I am today’s woman cause I believe that I can , have and will make it in the corporate world, not cause I am woman but cause i am able. I am modern cause I dont believe I need to prove I am modern for every person who questions my being so. I am modern cause I can blend equally with the past and the future.

I am modern cause I dont believe society is more important than the individual and his wishes. Hence on the death anniversary of my dad I don’t mourn his death but celebrate the life he led and throw a party just like he would have wanted us to remember him always – Full of life and having his rum and throwing parties 🙂

I am who I am. Modern for some and regressive for othes….which sliver you see of me will depend on you 🙂

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Comments

  • Debasish Chatterjee  On October 28, 2009 at 10:20 am

    I never knew you are such a good writer. Though we had debated on many issues in the past, I knew you have good clarity of thoughts but wow dear you are really good in writing. Keep it up!!!

  • priyashmita  On October 28, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    Thanks 🙂

  • kriti  On December 30, 2010 at 12:43 am

    I believe every word you say. Not to mention – saree is the most “modern” thing to wear these days, cigarettes are uncool and getting drunk habitually is a weakness. I love the part about your mom. Way to go Priya! Fantastic!

    • priyashmita  On December 30, 2010 at 12:43 am

      Thanks kriti

  • Ishani  On February 17, 2013 at 5:29 pm

    When i met you for the first time i didn’t think that we have much in common…but now i feel, we both have a free spirit to share. People tag me as back-dated as i do not smoke..and am not really fascinated by alcohol. Funny, as none of these modern people has the decency to accept it as my choice. Glad to have met you.

    • admin  On February 17, 2013 at 5:31 pm

      of course it is your choice. do not let anyone tell you anything else otherwise 🙂

  • Puru Gujral  On March 31, 2015 at 7:37 pm

    Great blog. Just a query in my mind. You said you don’t discriminate in the name of caste, creed, sex, orientation etc etc but you blocked a person coz his thoughts didn’t matched yours and then u say you are modern coz you don’t believe your truth is the only truth (good line btw) so why blocked him for sharing his truth???

    • Priyashmita Guha  On March 31, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      I have no clue who you talking about. However I block people if they troll me or they have thoughts which I feel are inhuman. Guess being modern does not mean that. If it does, then I am not modern. I said am modern. Never said I tolerate shit. I don’t fit that into the definition of modernism 🙂

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