So I have always been blogging about these weird men I go on these single dates with and most, who I run away from. Things have reached a stage where a guy actually asked me, that if the date goes badly, will it go up on my blog??? (To set the records straight, I only blog months after the incident and create a story around it in a way, that the identity of the guy is never ever revealed. All I do is take the humour in the incident and blog about it. But I digress). So this time when I went on a date, and it went well, my date actually asked me to blog about it, and I thought why not? When I can blog about the horrendous ones (read = funny), why not blog about a date which actually turned out to be one of the best in my life?
Firstly, let me get this thing out there, that I do date a lot. Unlike what people believe, India is changing and dating without the pressure of assuming it will lead to marriage does happen here too. And no it doesn’t lead to sex either (lest you men get ideas :P). Anyway, fact is I do go on dates, with it leading nowhere except some intake of calories in the form of food or drinks. And I follow some simple rules. First date is always just coffee. If it moves to second date, its dinner/lunch and if it ever moves to third date its drinks. And no the reason isn’t cause I don’t want to drink with strangers or am uncomfortable, etc. I can hold my drinks very well and so that is never the problem. Reason for this is I tend to get bored easily, and each date means longer amount of time spent. So coffee date means not more than an hour, and I can hold my boredom for that long. Dinner means max 2 hours and I can still manage to escape. Drinks means 3 to 4 hours and hence a longer time to fake interest, and something am pathetic at. Hence the rules.
So a few days back, I meet this guy online and he was from UK. He told me he was in Bangalore for a holiday and wondered if we could meet up for drinks, before he left (which was in a couple of days). So I mailed him back stating that drinks is off the table and let’s meet for coffee – easier to escape if am bored. I was expecting a response saying, let’s not meet then, etc (the usual egoistic response one expects), but rather the mail I got stated that coffee sounded fine, and he would try and find a coffee shop which had large doors, so that neither of us had to take the trouble of jumping off a window to make a run, if we were bored. That got me my first smile. Not cause he did not get offended by my mail, but that he was smart enough to change my line and say, even he can get bored of me. Now, after ages here was a guy who not only seemed able to take a joke, but was taking this date as two equals meeting (Usually its either men thinking they god’s gift on earth or gushing over a girl, and I can assure you both suck). So the date got fixed. We exchanged numbers and decided to whatsapp before the date.
Now the day of the date arrives, and I land up in Starbucks for the same. There I see this tall gigantic guy (He was 6’3″) waiting with a cup of coffee, right near the door . We greet and he says “Sorry I could not get a table closer to the door, but I think it’s close enough for you to run, in case you get bored. Oh and I got myself a coffee but they did not have a on-the-go cup. So let’s hope we can manage to hold each other’s interest till one cup of coffee?” The tone for the evening was set with that one dialogue. If nothing else, I would have met a guy who could laugh at himself and make things easy. How bad can such a date be? On that note, we sat down for the first cup of coffee.
He starts off by telling me he has a 40,000 sq feet apartment and a mercedes E class – Just as I was thinking, did I come to the wrong date or will it be one more guy who tells me about his money, he says “Oh and I spend 10000 Rs daily on my snacks” And I burst out laughing. You see, he had read my blog where I had posted about this obnoxious guy (http://worldasisee.com/idiots-i-meet-1/) and he quickly managed to break the ice (which was anycase broken), and set the mood for the date. This date was going to be if nothing else, a fun one, and something I desperately needed that day.
As the evening progressed, we went from one cup of coffee to another, and we kept checking on the other to see, if anyone wanted to run. With 3 hours into coffee, guess it was crystal clear that we were actually enjoying the evening (technically 3 hours meant 2 dates for me), we decided to move the date to a more apt venue and shifted to a pub.
The evening finally came to an end eight hours later, at 1 am and albeit quite reluctantly. In one date, we managed to cover the first three dates – coffee, dinner and drinks. I actually can’t remember a date which was so much fun, in a long time. It was one of the nicest evenings I had spent in some time, and an evening I was initially quite reluctant to go to.
So what really worked on the date, that someone like me actually ended up gushing about a guy?
First humour – Humour has this way of easing stress off everything. First dates are always the most stressful. You wonder will you like each other, will you get bored, will the guy act like douchebag making you cringe, will he like how you look? And humour sort of takes the stress of it all. It relaxes you, and tells you that no matter what happens, just enjoy the moment.
Secondly what worked was the fact that the date was on equal footing – He did not come across as someone gushing for me, nor did he try and impress me with his money, etc. It was like two friends meeting. Of course he was a perfect gentleman, paying for the date and all, but beyond it, it was an equal footing.
Thirdly I think what worked was there was no expectations. We started on the date saying no expectations as it’s long distance but let’s just know each other. Moment that stress was taken off, the date became easy. We were not planning a future, a marriage or kids or anything. We were just enjoying knowing about each other. Does that mean we did not speak of what we expected in a relationship or what we brought to the table, if we were in a relationship? No we did, but what was important,was, it did not mean we will end up in one. All it signified was that if we were ever together, what can we expect. Having just made a mistake in another date of mine where every date meant commitments, here was a date, where the fun of just knowing was all there was, to a date. The problem most dates in India have, is that we make it to an arranged marriage date, where the fun of dating goes away. God knows what the ending will be in any relationship, but honestly why make the fear of ending, spoil the journey? (I have made the same mistake too, and just recently, and I regret it)
And fourth, though not always applicable, it worked that he took the trouble to know me a little before the date, through my blog, and remembered it to use it in appropriate places. Now being a girl, I can assure you that if a man shows the interest in knowing you, it can floor any girl. And he managed to do that.
So now that I have blogged about an awesome date, am sure some of you will immediately rush to ask me the next logical question – What next? (A good date going nowhere, is a total failed one as far as we concerned. Most would by now be planning grandchildren, if a date goes this well. But as always, I digress). Will this date have a future? I don’t know. We parted not with the promise to have a relationship, but with the promise to keep in touch and get to know each other better, which we are doing. And we also promised that if we have a next date ever, it would be the most minutely planned spontaneous date in the world, and we would spend it touring a city, instead of sitting in a pub or a restaurant. No commitments beyond that.
So before I end, let me tell all who reading it and to myself as well – One never knows what the future holds. One never knows what will happen tomorrow. But life and love is meant to be an adventure. A journey. You will reach a destination and whatever that destination is, don’t stop to enjoy the journey. Date, meet someone nice, get to know someone, flirt, laugh. And most importantly love every minute of it. I did it after a long time, and I can assure you, it was and will remain one of the best dates of my life.
On that note, here is me wishing all of you single people, such lovely dates all your life or till you remain single at least :). Enjoy the journey of life and love